chucky: portrait of a dog
Is it just my pregnant hormones or is my dog actually becoming a better dog? For a whole week now he has been in minimal spaz mode. In the evenings, he curls up with us on the couch and GOES TO SLEEP! Below I have compared Charlie before and after this miraculous and (fingers crossed) permanent developmental change:
Chucky before (A Typical Day):
6:30am: Wake up and whine until mum and dad get up and let him out of kennel so that he can tear around the house for 20 minutes like his ass is on fire, then harass parents for food.
7:00am: Eat food, drink water, slop water all over floor, go outside and poo.
7:03am: Consume the poo
7:05am: Bark incessantly at nothing and have to be asked to come inside the house 3 times before listening. Come inside house and immediately run for the dining room table where breakfast has been laid out. Jump up on table, straining to get to the food that one of the parents is now holding above his/her head while trying to push him off the table with one leg.
7:06am: Other parent yells at him to get down.
7:08am: Chucky gets down. Proceeds to bark at parents. Parents avoid eye contact with Chucky as this is said by all the training books to escalate the barking.
7:09am: Parents continue to ignore Chucky and avoid eye contact with him. Barking escalates.
7:11am: Chucky is removed from the room and put in his kennel to “calm down”.
7:13am: Chucky calms down for kennel time, parents give up on reading the paper and relaxing after breakfast and start preparing to go to the dog park.
(A short period of time goes by where each of us takes turns peeing and brushing teeth while the other one keeps an eye on Chuck.)
8:00am: Parents put on coats, mitts, boots etc. Charlie jumps up and down and all over parents in what can only be assumed to be an attempt to bite them in the head. This is fun for Charlie.
8:05am: Charlie is leashed and ready to go. He gets loaded into the van in his crate after several attempts to “redirect his head” into the kennel because he refuses to cooperate EVERY SINGLE TIME and just get in the goddamn kennel.
(Car ride: approximately 10 minutes of Charlie whining like we are the worst parents in the world even though be bloody well knows he is going to the dog park, not a puppy mill.)
8:15am: Arrive at dog park. Dad struggles to get the kennel door open and the leash on Chucky to walk him calmly into the park. Chucky explodes out of kennel, finds a giant stick in the parking lot and proceeds to kneecap other dog owners as he runs fill force into the park.
8:15am-9:30am: Chucky runs, plays and manages to strip the entire dog park area clean of sticks. We proceed into the woods for a little hike where he continues to insist on carrying logs (I’m not exaggerating) throughout the entire walk, kneecapping owners and clobbering their dogs in the head as he goes along. (We have recently devised a system of keeping him off the path and away from other living things while he has a stick in his mouth.)
9:30am: Struggle to get Chuck back on the leash and get the log out of his mouth to get him back to the car.
9:35am-11:00am: The period of time that includes the drive home and the nap that Chuck has to take after dog park.
11:00am: Chucky wakes up. Terrorizes parents for the rest of the afternoon until about 3pm when he passes out again.
6:00pm: Eat food, drink water, slop water all over floor, go outside and poo.
6:03pm: Consume the poo.
6:05pm: Bark incessantly at nothing and have to be asked to come inside the house 3 times before listening. Come inside house and immediately run for the dining room table where dinner has been laid out. Jump up on table, straining to get to the food that one of the parents is now holding above his/her head while trying to push him off the table with one leg.
I think you can see where this is going. It ends in us rushing through dinner to take him for a walk. This time around the neighbourhood. When we come home he is even more wound up and we play with him until he finally passes out around 9:00pm.
Charlie Now (What I am hoping will become a typical day):
7:45am: wake up and quietly chew Kong until urge to pee becomes too much and whine softly to be let out of crate.
8:00am: Wait patiently in kitchen for dad to prepare breakfast, all the while wagging tail and allowing mum to “squishy his cute little face” (I love doing that).
8:05am: Dad puts food down and Chucky waits, YES, YOU HEARD ME, waits until he gets the go ahead to eat from dad. Eats, drinks, slops water but mum has learned to put a little carpet under his bowls so no big mess, and then outside to poo, while dad waits with a shovel to clean it up before Charlie can eat it.
The rest of the day is basically Charlie as his usual self at the dog park, then a completely different dog. He naps off and on through the day. Occasionally he wakes up and we play. He cuddles, he wags his tail, he loves. At night he settles down with us and growls at the doggies on America’s Funniest Home Videos, then naps on the couch until we put him to bed.
I have fallen in love with this dog all over again. Please, oh please let this be a permanent thing.
Chucky before (A Typical Day):
6:30am: Wake up and whine until mum and dad get up and let him out of kennel so that he can tear around the house for 20 minutes like his ass is on fire, then harass parents for food.
7:00am: Eat food, drink water, slop water all over floor, go outside and poo.
7:03am: Consume the poo
7:05am: Bark incessantly at nothing and have to be asked to come inside the house 3 times before listening. Come inside house and immediately run for the dining room table where breakfast has been laid out. Jump up on table, straining to get to the food that one of the parents is now holding above his/her head while trying to push him off the table with one leg.
7:06am: Other parent yells at him to get down.
7:08am: Chucky gets down. Proceeds to bark at parents. Parents avoid eye contact with Chucky as this is said by all the training books to escalate the barking.
7:09am: Parents continue to ignore Chucky and avoid eye contact with him. Barking escalates.
7:11am: Chucky is removed from the room and put in his kennel to “calm down”.
7:13am: Chucky calms down for kennel time, parents give up on reading the paper and relaxing after breakfast and start preparing to go to the dog park.
(A short period of time goes by where each of us takes turns peeing and brushing teeth while the other one keeps an eye on Chuck.)
8:00am: Parents put on coats, mitts, boots etc. Charlie jumps up and down and all over parents in what can only be assumed to be an attempt to bite them in the head. This is fun for Charlie.
8:05am: Charlie is leashed and ready to go. He gets loaded into the van in his crate after several attempts to “redirect his head” into the kennel because he refuses to cooperate EVERY SINGLE TIME and just get in the goddamn kennel.
(Car ride: approximately 10 minutes of Charlie whining like we are the worst parents in the world even though be bloody well knows he is going to the dog park, not a puppy mill.)
8:15am: Arrive at dog park. Dad struggles to get the kennel door open and the leash on Chucky to walk him calmly into the park. Chucky explodes out of kennel, finds a giant stick in the parking lot and proceeds to kneecap other dog owners as he runs fill force into the park.
8:15am-9:30am: Chucky runs, plays and manages to strip the entire dog park area clean of sticks. We proceed into the woods for a little hike where he continues to insist on carrying logs (I’m not exaggerating) throughout the entire walk, kneecapping owners and clobbering their dogs in the head as he goes along. (We have recently devised a system of keeping him off the path and away from other living things while he has a stick in his mouth.)
9:30am: Struggle to get Chuck back on the leash and get the log out of his mouth to get him back to the car.
9:35am-11:00am: The period of time that includes the drive home and the nap that Chuck has to take after dog park.
11:00am: Chucky wakes up. Terrorizes parents for the rest of the afternoon until about 3pm when he passes out again.
6:00pm: Eat food, drink water, slop water all over floor, go outside and poo.
6:03pm: Consume the poo.
6:05pm: Bark incessantly at nothing and have to be asked to come inside the house 3 times before listening. Come inside house and immediately run for the dining room table where dinner has been laid out. Jump up on table, straining to get to the food that one of the parents is now holding above his/her head while trying to push him off the table with one leg.
I think you can see where this is going. It ends in us rushing through dinner to take him for a walk. This time around the neighbourhood. When we come home he is even more wound up and we play with him until he finally passes out around 9:00pm.
Charlie Now (What I am hoping will become a typical day):
7:45am: wake up and quietly chew Kong until urge to pee becomes too much and whine softly to be let out of crate.
8:00am: Wait patiently in kitchen for dad to prepare breakfast, all the while wagging tail and allowing mum to “squishy his cute little face” (I love doing that).
8:05am: Dad puts food down and Chucky waits, YES, YOU HEARD ME, waits until he gets the go ahead to eat from dad. Eats, drinks, slops water but mum has learned to put a little carpet under his bowls so no big mess, and then outside to poo, while dad waits with a shovel to clean it up before Charlie can eat it.
The rest of the day is basically Charlie as his usual self at the dog park, then a completely different dog. He naps off and on through the day. Occasionally he wakes up and we play. He cuddles, he wags his tail, he loves. At night he settles down with us and growls at the doggies on America’s Funniest Home Videos, then naps on the couch until we put him to bed.
I have fallen in love with this dog all over again. Please, oh please let this be a permanent thing.
posted by vegan mum at 3:55 PM
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