back off

My mother and I do not have a close relationship anymore. Mostly this has to do with her bouts of depression, resulting in little communication between the two of us. My mother lives about 30 minutes away from me, but I can count the number of times she has come to see Avery on one hand. We do speak on the phone, fairly infrequently, though she has been calling more often as of late, and has told me that she regrets the way she has pulled away from me and the rest of the family, and that she would like to make it up.

Fine. Live and let live I always say. I am too tired to hold grudges and more family feuding does not interest me.

This post is not about the relationship that I have with my mother, nor is it about her depression. I am prefacing this entry with this background information to highlight how ridiculous it is when people who participate very little in your day to day life as a parent still feel it is appropriate and even warranted to comment on or critique the style of parenting you have adapted.

So my mother and I have been speaking over the phone more and more. Last night, she starts in on my sleeping arrangements here. Avery still sleeps in our bed. I still nurse her at night if she wakes up. Because Avery is still battling constipation (ultrasound results on abdomen expected next week) she often wakes up in pain, so I nurse her back to sleep. It takes maximum 5 minutes. Yes, sometimes I am very tired if she wakes up 4 or 5 times a night, but I deal with it, and I will continue to nurse her and sleep with her.

Since day one, everyone has told us how they do not agree with us sleeping with our baby. Most people have backed off, but my mother still talks about it. Last night, she told me to check out the website of a psychotherapist she saw on TV. This woman deals with children and family issues, though from a scan of her bio, it looks like she does not even have children of her own, but I digress.

This woman advocates the "cry it out" method. Put your kid in a crib in another room, and if they cry and won't go to sleep, don't go in to them for 10-15 minutes. When you do go in to them, comfort them only verbally, never touch them. Then go back out again. Repeat. She even had a section on the "cry it out" method and vomiting. You know, baby cries so hard they throw up? She feels that "a little vomit never hurt anyone". Simply clean up the vomit without too much interaction with the baby and leave the room.

Holy shit. I could go on about this but I won't. Obviously I disagree with this method.

The fact that my mother is still trying to sell me on this shit is maddening. I don't understand why she cannot just support us and our choices.

And its not just her. My next door neighbour has asked me many times why I sleep with my baby, why I still sit in the back seat of the car with her if husband is driving, etc. I am so tired of having these conversations with people. It is called Attachment Parenting. It is not for everyone. I do not criticize anyone else's parenting style (at least not to their faces. The husband and I can be gossipy to each other sometimes) LEAVE ME ALONE. Avery is happy and loved.

This lack of support, especially from family, has caused me to question the way I mother Avery many times and that is not right. Motherhood and fatherhood are stressful enough. People who are working hard at being loving, good parents should be applauded, not lampooned or criticized.

So I have decided, no more Mr. Nice Guy. I will not graciously disagree and try to change the subject anymore. I am going to tell people how I really feel from now on. Call me a hippy, tell me I'm spoiling my child, laugh at us for not eating meat and call us ridiculous for trying to get pesticides banned in our neighbourhood.

Bring it on motherfuckers.

from the depths...blah, blah, blah

I did intend on posting on Avery's 1st birthday (July 15th), but everyone in the house was sick. I did write her a really nice letter which I may post if I get time. For now, enjoy the picture. I am battling menstrual cramps and a flooded basement (2nd thunderstorm of the day) and husband is at work.





More later.

some complaining

As I type this, I have a tissue jammed up my nose. No longer do I bother constantly wiping my nose that has not stopped dripping for three days; now I just jam tissues up there until they are no longer absorbent, then replace them with a new one. My husband finds this disgusting. I can't blame him, but I am now on my THIRD FUCKING COLD of this summer and I have fucking had it.

Also? I am going back to work on August 5th and I still haven't weaned my baby. She still suffers from constipation, is rarely interested in real, solid foods, and still wakes up 5-6 times a night.

My hair is still falling out in big clumps and my nails keep breaking off (toenails included). I am exhausted.

Some days I feel like I'm doing it all wrong. Other days, I realize that we have not had any help from any of our family members and my husband and I have yet to have one night out together alone. People kept telling me that it would get easier, and in some ways it has, but I think that not getting a good night's sleep in about a year is taking a toll on me.

One more complaint: summer sucks here. We can't have one nice sunny, warm breezy day. It's like the fucking Mekong Delta out there with the humidity. Every day.

That is all.

Hippy Chick

Forgive me for not writing very regularly. You see, as well as caring for Avery, who is about as much work as a set of sextuplets on crack, I have been slowly turning into a paranoid, establishment hating, vegan food loving, cloth diaper using hippie.

It all started when the husband and I read Michael Pollan's "The Omnivore's Dilemma". Which is fascinating and terrifying and life-changing to read. Then, bit by bit, we started changing how we live.

1. We stopped eating meat
2. We stopped eating processed foods (except for the occasional take away pizza)
3. Goodbye disposable diapers and wipes. Hello cloth and tea tree oil.
4. We started buying only organic produce for us and making Avery's food with only organic produce.
5. We dug up the backyard and planted a giant vegetable garden. Fresh food in the summer, canned and preserved in the winter.
6. No more pesticides or herbicides.
7. We bought 2 rain barrels.
8. We had an environmental assessment done on our house.
9. We bought a tankless hot water heater.
10. We got new windows.
11. We put up a clothing line in the backyard.
12. We bought a reverse-osmosis water treatment filter for the house.
13. We tossed out all of Avery's baby shampoos, lotions and diaper rash creams and bought all natural ones with no harmful chemicals in them.
14. We planted some trees: 2 apple, 1 peach, and another maple tree.
15. I stopped shaving my armpits. No, just kidding. Although I must say that I'm not as good at keeping up with things like that these days.

So, we've been pretty busy. And the amazing thing is, I am so used to living this way now that I can't imagine going back to the old way of life. Next step: wait for the housing market to crash and buy a farm.

Seriously.

And I am totally going to have my own donkey.