the halcyon holidays
It has been quite a while since I’ve updated this thing. Christmas was crazy and tantrum-filled (many of those tantrums were thrown by me) as we hauled ass from place to place, visiting people I could really care less about for the most part and explaining to family members over and over that no, we do not eat turkey – we are vegetarian – turkey is meat. So is chicken. So is fish. We don’t eat that shit. So don’t pass the fucking turkey thanks so much.
The husband was working day shift on Christmas Day so I went solo to my dad’s house with Avery. I made my dad promise me over and over that no one would be smoking in the house while his pregnant daughter and lovely granddaughter were there and he assured me that no one would be smoking in the house. As soon as his girlfriend’s broke-ass relatives arrived, they all grabbed the rye and headed for the basement where they proceeded to smoke like it was bingo night. I had to explain to my father and his girlfriend that even though those motherfuckers were smoking in the basement, it did not mean that the smoke was not travelling up through the house. Also, the dinner table was set up in the basement, so there was no way in hell I would be eating down there.
So after spending the entire afternoon running around after Avery without any help, she and I ended up eating upstairs by ourselves while all the assholes gorged downstairs. I’m happy to report that of the two turkeys cooked that day, one of them succeeded in sickening several of the dinner guests. Ha!
And sadly, after all of my plans to get my mother in law the most thoughtless, cheap and horrible birthday gift in the history of all birthday gifts, my gallbladder threw a wrench into the whole thing, choosing to attack me on not one, but two occasions before her birthday and I ended up re-gifting some crap that I got for early Christmas gifts from other thoughtless people. I did manage to include some dollar store candles that I am hoping will prove to be nothing more than lead filled fire hazards. I picture her sitting on her couch next to one as it burns away, pretending to read one of her Oprah’s book club books while inhaling the carcinogens. It warms the cockles of me heart, it does.
Anyhoo the big story of the Christmas holidays was the day that she and the other members of my dysfunctional in-laws came over to our house. Once everyone was seated, I brought her the birthday gift I got for her. She opened it and thanked me and then I notice her jump up, grab a card from her purse, then get a pen from her purse, open the card and begin writing in it. I did not think anything of it until I opened my birthday card from her and saw that in blue ink was written “Happy Birthday from blank and blank” and in black ink, hastily scribbled on the other side of the card read “you might want a massage after you have the baby so let us know and we will pay for it”.
She had failed to get my anything but a cheap card for my birthday. And once she realized that I am not a total shit like she is, and I actually made some effort for her, she tried to secretly write that massage crap in my card without me noticing.
That’s one.
Then, when Avery was trying to get my father in law to sit and colour with her, he kneeled down and drew a cat on the paper for her and then stood up to walk away. Avery chased after him to get him to come back and colour. My mother in law piped up “She wants you to draw with her” she said to him. And literally whining he said “I just did. I drew her a cat. What else am I supposed to draw?”
Rage is not the word. If he had turned and looked at me at that moment my eyes would have burned a hole through his flesh.
Dear readers (if there are any of you left), I am done with that family. I have not spoken to any of them since.
For now, this is all I care to write on the subject as I am still seething with rage. I am trying to calm down and not let it poison me, but today when my father in law called the house (I believe this is literally the 3rd time he has EVER called our house) it was not to check in and see how Avery was feeling after having been sick with fever for the last four days, it was to borrow my husband’s air-nailer.
I’m about ready to let loose. It’s going to happen soon. I will blog about the event Stay tuned.
The husband was working day shift on Christmas Day so I went solo to my dad’s house with Avery. I made my dad promise me over and over that no one would be smoking in the house while his pregnant daughter and lovely granddaughter were there and he assured me that no one would be smoking in the house. As soon as his girlfriend’s broke-ass relatives arrived, they all grabbed the rye and headed for the basement where they proceeded to smoke like it was bingo night. I had to explain to my father and his girlfriend that even though those motherfuckers were smoking in the basement, it did not mean that the smoke was not travelling up through the house. Also, the dinner table was set up in the basement, so there was no way in hell I would be eating down there.
So after spending the entire afternoon running around after Avery without any help, she and I ended up eating upstairs by ourselves while all the assholes gorged downstairs. I’m happy to report that of the two turkeys cooked that day, one of them succeeded in sickening several of the dinner guests. Ha!
And sadly, after all of my plans to get my mother in law the most thoughtless, cheap and horrible birthday gift in the history of all birthday gifts, my gallbladder threw a wrench into the whole thing, choosing to attack me on not one, but two occasions before her birthday and I ended up re-gifting some crap that I got for early Christmas gifts from other thoughtless people. I did manage to include some dollar store candles that I am hoping will prove to be nothing more than lead filled fire hazards. I picture her sitting on her couch next to one as it burns away, pretending to read one of her Oprah’s book club books while inhaling the carcinogens. It warms the cockles of me heart, it does.
Anyhoo the big story of the Christmas holidays was the day that she and the other members of my dysfunctional in-laws came over to our house. Once everyone was seated, I brought her the birthday gift I got for her. She opened it and thanked me and then I notice her jump up, grab a card from her purse, then get a pen from her purse, open the card and begin writing in it. I did not think anything of it until I opened my birthday card from her and saw that in blue ink was written “Happy Birthday from blank and blank” and in black ink, hastily scribbled on the other side of the card read “you might want a massage after you have the baby so let us know and we will pay for it”.
She had failed to get my anything but a cheap card for my birthday. And once she realized that I am not a total shit like she is, and I actually made some effort for her, she tried to secretly write that massage crap in my card without me noticing.
That’s one.
Then, when Avery was trying to get my father in law to sit and colour with her, he kneeled down and drew a cat on the paper for her and then stood up to walk away. Avery chased after him to get him to come back and colour. My mother in law piped up “She wants you to draw with her” she said to him. And literally whining he said “I just did. I drew her a cat. What else am I supposed to draw?”
Rage is not the word. If he had turned and looked at me at that moment my eyes would have burned a hole through his flesh.
Dear readers (if there are any of you left), I am done with that family. I have not spoken to any of them since.
For now, this is all I care to write on the subject as I am still seething with rage. I am trying to calm down and not let it poison me, but today when my father in law called the house (I believe this is literally the 3rd time he has EVER called our house) it was not to check in and see how Avery was feeling after having been sick with fever for the last four days, it was to borrow my husband’s air-nailer.
I’m about ready to let loose. It’s going to happen soon. I will blog about the event Stay tuned.
Labels: Avery, baby #2, bullshit, Christmas, my stupid gallbladder
posted by vegan mum at 2:21 PM
2 comments
