on motherhood
This week, I felt the egg move. I remember feeling Avery move pretty early on too, and I remember being told by my doctor and a few other people that what I was feeling was “just gas”. Of course, they were all wrong.
And you know what? There were a lot of “they’s” who were very wrong about a lot of things concerning pregnancy and birth and being a parent. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could go back in time and tell that to my newly pregnant self? However, I am a stronger girl for it and I feel that because I have stuck by most of my convictions, I have become a pretty good mother. And Avery in turn, is a happy little girl.
My husband and I don’t bother to discuss the specifics of how we raise our children with other people anymore. We found that we encountered a lot of criticism when we did, a lot of “well meant” advice that often times made us feel guilty and like we were doing the wrong thing. And I really don’t think we are so far off the “traditional” path of parenthood, but when you have your baby sleep in the bed with you, carry her in a sling everywhere all day, breastfeed on demand and wean when she is ready, you open yourself up to a lot of comments.
Now that I’m a mother, I cannot imagine trying to give another woman advice about how to take care of her children. Much of the time I think the advice I get from other women is bullshit. And much of the time I realize that, at least in our society, we try to fit out babies into our lives as best we can by scheduling them, getting them distraction toys like Exersaucers to sit in for hours (seriously, my nephew is in one for at least 3 hours a day) while we “get things done”, letting them cry it out so they learn sleep independence, carting them around in strollers and car seats instead of on us in slings, and in some cases, choosing to formula feed for the convenience factor.
As much as I think that all of that stuff is the “wrong way” to parent, I would never dream of criticizing another woman for doing those things. And one would think that given the fact that I have a healthy, happy, smart, loved baby that people would give me credit for the good job I have been doing. Instead they focus on the wrong things and tell me that my baby is manipulating me, or that I need to get her used to being on her own for independence.
I was at a Halloween party last weekend where all the mothers from one of my mom groups all got together with our babies and our husbands as an excuse to dress the kids up and get some cute pictures. For the entire 3 hours that I was there, I noticed that one of the babies, 10 months old, sat in a corner of the room by herself the entire time. Her mum came in, plunked her down, and then off she went to eat and socialize. The baby’s father was there too, but he was ignoring her as well. There were no tears, or even a peep for that matter, in fact both of the parents joked about how easy she was because they could just leave her alone and she didn’t mind. So is this baby independent? Or has she learned that she is not going to get the attention so she has become more inwardly focused? In our group, and in many others, she is deemed a good baby and it is left at that. But this baby rarely smiles when you coo at her and I think that is sad. I know my daughter can be rambunctious and full of energy all day long, which sometimes wears on me, but I am thankful that she is happy, curious and fun-loving as a result of being the centre of my life. Which is the way it should be, in my opinion.
I still take care of myself, I still make time for my husband and get out with friends, but Avery can count on me anytime she needs me. I know that this has made our relationship incredibly strong. How anyone could challenge me on that I don’t understand. I try to keep these things in mind as I prepare to have my second child.
Motherhood is hard enough on us. I think we can all do without the criticism.
And you know what? There were a lot of “they’s” who were very wrong about a lot of things concerning pregnancy and birth and being a parent. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could go back in time and tell that to my newly pregnant self? However, I am a stronger girl for it and I feel that because I have stuck by most of my convictions, I have become a pretty good mother. And Avery in turn, is a happy little girl.
My husband and I don’t bother to discuss the specifics of how we raise our children with other people anymore. We found that we encountered a lot of criticism when we did, a lot of “well meant” advice that often times made us feel guilty and like we were doing the wrong thing. And I really don’t think we are so far off the “traditional” path of parenthood, but when you have your baby sleep in the bed with you, carry her in a sling everywhere all day, breastfeed on demand and wean when she is ready, you open yourself up to a lot of comments.
Now that I’m a mother, I cannot imagine trying to give another woman advice about how to take care of her children. Much of the time I think the advice I get from other women is bullshit. And much of the time I realize that, at least in our society, we try to fit out babies into our lives as best we can by scheduling them, getting them distraction toys like Exersaucers to sit in for hours (seriously, my nephew is in one for at least 3 hours a day) while we “get things done”, letting them cry it out so they learn sleep independence, carting them around in strollers and car seats instead of on us in slings, and in some cases, choosing to formula feed for the convenience factor.
As much as I think that all of that stuff is the “wrong way” to parent, I would never dream of criticizing another woman for doing those things. And one would think that given the fact that I have a healthy, happy, smart, loved baby that people would give me credit for the good job I have been doing. Instead they focus on the wrong things and tell me that my baby is manipulating me, or that I need to get her used to being on her own for independence.
I was at a Halloween party last weekend where all the mothers from one of my mom groups all got together with our babies and our husbands as an excuse to dress the kids up and get some cute pictures. For the entire 3 hours that I was there, I noticed that one of the babies, 10 months old, sat in a corner of the room by herself the entire time. Her mum came in, plunked her down, and then off she went to eat and socialize. The baby’s father was there too, but he was ignoring her as well. There were no tears, or even a peep for that matter, in fact both of the parents joked about how easy she was because they could just leave her alone and she didn’t mind. So is this baby independent? Or has she learned that she is not going to get the attention so she has become more inwardly focused? In our group, and in many others, she is deemed a good baby and it is left at that. But this baby rarely smiles when you coo at her and I think that is sad. I know my daughter can be rambunctious and full of energy all day long, which sometimes wears on me, but I am thankful that she is happy, curious and fun-loving as a result of being the centre of my life. Which is the way it should be, in my opinion.
I still take care of myself, I still make time for my husband and get out with friends, but Avery can count on me anytime she needs me. I know that this has made our relationship incredibly strong. How anyone could challenge me on that I don’t understand. I try to keep these things in mind as I prepare to have my second child.
Motherhood is hard enough on us. I think we can all do without the criticism.
Labels: attachment parenting, Avery, baby #2, mommy bullshit, Pregnancy, the best thing I ever did in my life
posted by vegan mum at 2:37 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home