Poop
I’ve never been very fond of pooping in public; and by public I mean of course public washrooms. Actually, that’s a lie. If I am ever somewhere like a mall and nature calls, I welcome the cold and sterile anonymity of the mall bathroom. It doesn’t matter if you take a dump there because when you come out of that stall, no one knows you. Even if someone walks into the bathroom and right into your stall just after you has exited it, it doesn’t matter. Even if the person got halfway in only to come back out and give you a dirty look you would say “Yeah, that’s right, I pooped. Everybody poops you know. What are you some kind of cyborg? Don’t you poop?”
Work is a different story.
At my old job, working in Hell as Saddam Hussein’s secretary scheduling meetings for him and his VP Anne Coulter, I worked on a floor with very few people, and most of them were guys. This meant that I basically had the bathroom to myself and at 930am every morning, I would poo and feel great for the rest of the day.
At this job, because I work in a field that seems to be dominated by a lot of women (at least in this country anyway), and I work with about 100 other people in the editorial department, the bathroom is always busy. Often, I try to get in there as early in the morning as possible or during lunch so I can poop in peace. Rarely does this happen. Most of the time (and this is going to sound pathetic) I sit down on the toilet, get ready and someone walks in to the bathroom. I can’t go. So I pretend that all I was doing was going in there to pee, and leave feeling dissatisfied and a little bunged up.
Today I said fuck it.
I marched right into that bathroom stall, dropped my pants and went. Yeah there were other people in there, yeah they totally knew what I was doing but I’ll tell you what- I’m tired of being poo-impaired. I can only hope that this entry will help others who feel the same way as me and walk around the office all day trying to figure out ways to get some privacy in the bathroom.
Just let it go; it’ll be the best thing you accomplished at work all day.
Work is a different story.
At my old job, working in Hell as Saddam Hussein’s secretary scheduling meetings for him and his VP Anne Coulter, I worked on a floor with very few people, and most of them were guys. This meant that I basically had the bathroom to myself and at 930am every morning, I would poo and feel great for the rest of the day.
At this job, because I work in a field that seems to be dominated by a lot of women (at least in this country anyway), and I work with about 100 other people in the editorial department, the bathroom is always busy. Often, I try to get in there as early in the morning as possible or during lunch so I can poop in peace. Rarely does this happen. Most of the time (and this is going to sound pathetic) I sit down on the toilet, get ready and someone walks in to the bathroom. I can’t go. So I pretend that all I was doing was going in there to pee, and leave feeling dissatisfied and a little bunged up.
Today I said fuck it.
I marched right into that bathroom stall, dropped my pants and went. Yeah there were other people in there, yeah they totally knew what I was doing but I’ll tell you what- I’m tired of being poo-impaired. I can only hope that this entry will help others who feel the same way as me and walk around the office all day trying to figure out ways to get some privacy in the bathroom.
Just let it go; it’ll be the best thing you accomplished at work all day.
posted by vegan mum at 3:42 PM
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